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Divorce: Where Should the Conversation Start?
When is divorce acceptable in God’s eyes? How should we view it? Can we divorce for any reason? Is divorce a sin?
These are all common questions people ask regarding divorce and remarriage. While each is worthy of answering, I strongly believe that not one of them is where we should start the conversation. It won’t be shocking at all to hear where I think we should begin:
“What does God say about the matter?”
Note that this is different than beginning with a mere, “Does He say not to?” Again, this is an important question to ask AND answer. However, we hurt our ability to understand God’s desire (across the board) when we don’t begin by ascertaining His WHOLE thoughts on the matter — not just looking for a “Thou Shalt Not!”
Take, for instance, what God says about the recreational use of alcohol. Proverbs 23 says, “29 Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? 30 Those who linger over win, Those who go to taste mixed wine. 31 Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup. When it goes down smoothly; 32 At the last it bites like a serpent and stings like a viper. 33 Your eyes will see strange things and your mind will utter perverse things. 34 And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea, or like one who lies down on the top of a mast. 35 They struck me, but I did not become ill; They beat me, but I did not know it. When shall I awake? I will seek another drink.”
Now, even without looking at any other passage on intoxicated drinks, could we not tell how God feels about it? He doesn’t want His people going near the stuff. I don’t know about you, but if God says He doesn’t like something then (that alone) makes me automatically want to completely disassociate myself from it. I don’t need to wait for the, “Thou Shalt Not!” God’s distaste for something should be just as effective!
So, What Does God Say He Feels About Divorce?
He hates it! “ ‘For I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel, ‘and him who covers his garment with wrong,’ says the LORD of hosts. ‘So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.’ “ (Mal. 2:16). If I am a true disciple then my own feelings on this will be guided and molded by God’s feelings on it. Therefore, shouldn’t I hate it as well!?
If that be the case, think how this changes the conversation. Instead of desiring to find a way to divorce, we’re redirected to desire to save the marriage to the best of our ability. Instead of treating this covenant so lightly, we’re rebuked to view it as so important it should be saved if at all possible.
This is not to say that it won’t be difficult. It is to say, though, that it is worth it. This isn’t to say that God has given no exception to this rule — He’s given one: adultery (Mt. 19:3-9). It is to say, though, that people often rush to the exception while forgetting about the rule — God’s rule/heart on the matter.
God absolutely says that there is a legitimate case for divorce (i.e. adultery). However, that doesn’t mean His thoughts change on it — He still hates it. Both things can be true at the same time.
There are two main reasons why I think recognizing this is important: (1) It seems that people are increasingly focusing more on the exception than the rule — and that is backwards. (2) Understanding this will teach us deeper and critical things about our relationship with God and how He views sin — and all the while, how even when we sin like this He still wants to reconcile with us. And that may the most beautiful lesson of all.
